Thursday, August 23, 2012

Tardiness will NOT be Tolerated

My period was 5 days late this month. My period is never late. By the second day of its tardiness I was in panic mode, which only increased by day 5.

I am very aware of the REAL struggle and heartache that many people face with infertility.  I know that I am blessed to have not shared in that struggle, and my heart goes out to those who do, please know this post might seem a little insensitive to the subject.. but my intentions are just to share MY experience and MY life, not to step on anyone else's.

My husband and I are blessed to be a very fertile couple.  My daughter was surprisingly conceived when I was just 21, and had just forgone using contraceptive just one time.   I got pregnant again at 25..using a condom... but that pregnancy ended in an early mis-carriage.  When, at 26 I decided to "try" for another baby, we tried once, then I decided I wasn't ready, so we stopped trying, a few weeks later I found out that one attempt was successful after all.

Because of these experiences, I have become beyond paranoid when it comes to pregnancy.  I should have bought stock in pregnancy tests, because I am sure I've spent hundreds and hundreds on EPT over the years.   This time, I did not run to the drug store,  because two years ago my husband had a vasectomy, (you can read about the funny experience HERE.)   However, he never went back to have a sample checked.  So in my paranoid mind, I became more and more certain, that he maybe had an extra vas deferens, or maybe it grew back.
My mind filled with the thoughts of starting all over with another baby.  My daughter would be 10 years older.  My son would be entering all day kindergarten... and the idea of starting completely back to baby again, horrified me.   I've been a Stay at Home Mom for 9 years now, and its been great don't get me wrong,  I am blessed to have had the opportunity to be with my kids,  but I'd be lying if I said I wasn't a bit excited at the prospect of venturing out to the grown up world more. Oh, and I just knew that my already small bit of social life would be over for sure, it's hard enough to find a sitter for my kids who are old enough to basically take care of themselves, and just need a small amount of supervision... but I believe it would be next to impossible to ever go on a date again if I threw an infant into the baby-sitting mix,

Also, I am terrible at being pregnant.  I get REALLY, REALLY, REALLY big.  I get REALLY, REALLY, REALLY, sick... throughout the whole 9 months.  And then a the end I would have to have a C-Section.  I remember the last time on the surgery table, swearing to my husband that I'd "NEVER DO THIS AGAIN!"  
Me, Preggers.... as you can see, I'm not one of the "cute" ones.

Finally, my period came... and I rejoiced... really rejoiced... then I went crazy with the overwhelming feeling of relief.. and went and made a BIG, rash, un-thought-out decision... more on that tomorrow.


  1. i suspect that many of us have had scares like you're describing here. And you do get BIG when you're expecting. So, what is the big rash decision....I wanna know!

    1. LOL, I love your honesty Terri! So glad to see you back in the blog world, I hope you had a good time off, and that the new school year is going well for you!